Death hits in you in the face…really hard

When confronted with it, I question my life choices, whether I am happy enough, whether I treat my family and friends with love and respect, whether I will die alone…

I become suddenly grateful for the fresh air, the sun on my face, the wet socks form stepping inadvertently in a puddle…this is the UK after all… my senses come alive! I feel the rush of the wind from the train pulling in, the beat of my reverberating eardrums from the bass of my headphones, how soft my snood is wrapped tightly around my neck…

I wish so desperately for that other person, to be there just to hold my hand

My journey has had several twists and turns and some cliffhangers where all I’ve wanted to do is jump…

I want to say I’m complete and whole but I am an ever changing process or is it progress? My soul is mixed black and white with flashes of lightning and red whips…

I can separate myself from this whirlpool these days as opposed to getting sucked down and into the vacuum, the swim back up is less of a struggle…I can see the whirlpools now and decide whether I want to jump…mostly I swim as far away as possible…but sometimes I dip my toe in, then my ankle, then my calf, further up and up I am engulfed…my neck is whiplashed left and right. My head is spinning, round and round I go…but then I stop…deathly still.

I swim upwards. Hope is my shimmering guide as I break free of the tangles of weeds that have clutched at my ankles. I erupt out of the surface gasping for air, panting, screaming, crying…the torment has to stop!

And now when I look back, a smile forms on my cold blue lips. Where once there was a soul sucking vortex, there is now just a soft ripple; smooth, calm and black.

2 thoughts on “Whirlpool

  1. I love the universal theme of death and how the speaker contemplates it, as we all have. I loved the line “My sold is mixed black and white with flashes of lightning and red whips”. That’s my favorite line. Great poem!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! Really appreciate it…unleashing my soul within

      Liked by 1 person

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